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The Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable:

Denon’s 1.5 meter (59 in.) proprietary ultra premium Denon Link cable was designed for the audio enthusiast.  Made from high purity copper wire and high performance connection parts, the AK-DL1 will bring out all the nuances in digital audio reproduction from any of our Denon DVD players with the Denon Link feature connected to a Denon Link enabled Denon A/V receiver.

The asking price?  $500 on Amazon.com.  Oh, and check out Amazon’s reviews section—it’s a comedic gold mine.  Some of my favorites will be posted after the break, and feel free to add the ones you like.

So before I get to the comedy, I want to ask the obvious question—who the hell would ever buy this?  I mean seriously, what kind of person would spend $500 on a 1.5-meter ethernet cable?  Look, I know better than most the importance of having components that work, and DJs are often willing to pay a premium for reliability.  After all, the whole show—and often your paycheck—relies on those signals working without fail.  But sometimes you can go too far, and I think they did in this case.  Anyhoo, on to the funny:

overdrive sandwich “(]||[)”

Easily the finest cable I have in my house. It does what ordinary cables fail to do. It’s almost miraculous, but as a staunch atheist I oppose non-scientific explanations for anything. What I don’t oppose, though, is the brilliant sound I get thanks to these HDMI cables.

J. Robinson (Spokane, WA United States)

I was skeptical when I first purchased this cable. After all $500 is an awful lot to pay for what is essentially an Ethernet cable. Once I received this cable I realized that I would gladly have paid $1,000 or more. You see it doesn’t seem to affect sound quality one way or another, but it did cure my erectile dysfunction. Before, I was but a shell of a man. I was hadn’t been able to satisfy my wife in “that way” for almost five years. Then almost overnight I was able to perform like my old, virile self again. Thank you Denon!

Kurt Parker “K.P.” (Groton, NY)

I picked up a truckload of these for a pool party a few weeks ago. The quality is great, but as one other reviewer mentioned, these cables do tend to bring demons or some sort of creature through the dimensional rifts their subsonic rotational channels create. Normally, a cable this expensive would prevent such things, but I read on the manufacturers website that they had to nix that feature for this edition due to the harmonic frequency interference thresholds.

Mikeon04 (Chicago, IL)

The look of complete serenity on the simple face of a sleeping newborn. The smell of freshly brewed, newly ground, free-trade organic coffee awakening you on a Sunday morn. The taste of sweet syrup, recently spewed forth from a glorious sugar maple, atop a heap of buttery pancakes. The feel of a solitary snowflake coming to its final resting place on the tip of your nose as you stand in the midst of a vast, wintery meadow. What else could possibly be on par with these other sensory experiences you ask? The sound of climactic ecstasy which exudes forth from the innards of the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable housed within taut blue and black patterned covering.